Do you see my smile? Gratefully, you can see. Sorry, if my smile can not bring happiness to you. But, for me, I am happy to give you guys my smile. At least, I can lie to be happy.

Unfortunately, sometimes, I do not feel that. The emptiness is there again. The same thing happens again as a year ago. When I looked for an answer. And the answer was you. At least, even our relationship was so dynamical, but I did not feel empty. I knew that I had you. And now, the feeling to run away from reality is there again. I hate to admit that, but, yeah, I want to go here and there, trying to forget you, trying to feel the pain, so, I will know that it’s wrong. But, it’s a waste. I only feel relax for a while. You still come to my mind and my dream.

It is much better these days, not as heavy as before. Oh no, I don’t know whether actually it’s a next harder step. Back then, I always wanted to see you and so on, and it’s still like that. Seeing you is more relaxing now, the pressure is not that hard, but I know that maybe for both of us, acting like usual is hard. We are still awkward.

I am not in the stage where I want to explain, I already forgive and forget the bad things, maybe because ‘the person’ is not here in real form for a while. But, surprisingly, after I forgive, I still want to go back. Yeah, it is not the unlogical thing again as I think more. I do not have to count and consider it based on your skill or qualification. The whole answer is only I need you. I don’t know why, but, you already fill a space in my heart where can’t be filled by others, included my friends. You, always give me the medicine in unusual form. You, won’t say like, ‘things will be okay, baby’ and so on, but, you always cheered me up by saying things like, ‘yeah eventhough it’s hard, I know you can.’ You brought me to reality and you made me stronger.

As I write this, I finally know how important you are. The hidden feeling, now I can express it sincerely. And the tears, is coming back again. It is too late, since two months ago, almost three months. But, yeah, it is a next stage I have to pass. I am grateful that I can realize it now.

Hi, you, my favorite person. Sorry fot not moving on as fast as you, I guess. Sorry, I have stalked you and maybe made a lot of mess. I will stop as I am trying harder. I always pray to God to make it easier and easier as the time goes.

Two months and 11 days after we broke up.




Uncreative Post

It’s been so many days since I posted something here. And I just realize that I was often post about friendship, because I thought that it was the main issue of myself a few months ago :). So now, I am third term student! Yeah, okay let me interpret myself, am I really get into this major or I am just flowing with what is happening in my life. Absolutely don’t know.

I am in the middle of writing my paperwork(s). There are so many! Believe me, and I haven’t done one of five papers, lol, #givemesomestrengths. In few next days, we will welcome new year. Oh my God, it is so fast how a year just passes like the wind. Many resolutions of mine for next year, and I am also gonna turn to be 19, I am growing older yeah :(. Some major resolutions are I want to be accepted in a scholarship or an exchange program, also I want to run my own business too. Wish me luck.

I really don’t know, how my academic report will show off this term, because this term is different from previous terms -when I studied and did my tasks all of the time. I am more often to go here and there (organization business -to widen my connections). I hope my academic report will not be that different from before, still come out like my expectations. Amin.

In the end of this post, be happy guys :)! I hope I can finish these paperwork(s) before my exam week (which is next week) comes huhu :”. Kisseu :*


Honestly, that title represents the content of this post. Why? I want to share, that I often feel insecure. I know that most people feel the same too. But, it is so hard for me to ignore that thought because I make a big gap between me and the others, so they can’t get closer to me. Why? I have my own reason. Because I am the type of person who always make shield before something hurts me, even in the end, it doesn’t hurt me. Let me put it in easy picture, I am difficult to trust people because I don’t want once I trust them, they will betray me, so I choose not to trust them, get it? I choose not to have any close relationship rather than being hurt in the end, eventhough I do not know, I will get hurt or not. I am scared that I will get hurt. I choose to pass straight way than “mountainous” way because I have no confidence to pass it, there are so many things which make me worry.

I hope I can read people’s mind, so I know what exactly they think about me. But unfortunately, I can’t, or may be I should get into faculty of psychology? LOL. I think that is why, people are the most mysterious matter in this world. You can change people by affecting their feeling, whether from good to be bad or vice versa. People are not consistent, they live based on their interest and their feeling. Once their interests lead them, they will ignore their feeling.

Apa yang Telah Aku Dapatkan?

Annyeonghaseyo^^ It’s been a long time! Actually, I tried to post something new a while ago, but I ended up save it as a draft :(. It was too difficult to type something, may be because I am too much typing for my assignments lol. So, let me use english and bahasa in this post, because I will tell you all about my-a-year-experience-of-being-a-college-student, and I hope the readers will be those who will become a college student soon.

I am confused, dari mana aku harus memulai? Okay *take deep breath* lol. Setahun yang lalu, I was still in third grade of senior high school. Mungkin beberapa readers sudah tahu, atau tidak ada yang tahu, I wanted to be a doctor so much, it was my dream since I was child, even in kindergarten. Mungkin karena kata-kata dokter lah yang paling sering saya dengar waktu kecil, so it’s like planted inside my heart. But, karena negara api menyerang, and I considered some factors, I didn’t know why I wanted to go out from “those” things. I was bored. So, I decided to choose international relations, far from “medical” things right? Jadi, kenapa saya memutuskan untuk berpindah jalur? Mengapa masuk jurusan IPA kalo ujungnya masuk jurusan IPS? Well, I didn’t know, considered it as a fate. Saya memilih international relations as my first choice, dan kedokteran gigi as my second choice. And gratefully, I was accepted in international relations 🙂 But…honestly, I was not that happy. I felt empty. And suddenly, thought, why should I chose this?!

Second thing, I felt wrong was I got accepted in university out of my current city, I should move in another city. At first, I was like, mom I could do this, I want to go far from here, I want to be “mandiri”. But, readers, things didn’t go like what you imagined before! Living alone was so hard. Like you had no one in your life. I cried, day and night, like a zombie without a soul, my room got messed and I didn’t know how to fix it. No, no, I knew, but I was too lazy. I said to my dad and mom, I want to go home! I am not strong enough to be here. Nothing goes well here, I can’t adapt with my major, my life, and my friends. Yeah, everything was new for me! Like they were aliens that went down from space. I could not make a normal communications with them.

But…gratefully, it was my past. Gradually, I can ignore it and be better time to time. I am not sure whether I have fixed my life, or I have passed everything? I think no, but I just feel like I am in normal life now. What is the key? ADAPTATION and also be grateful with everything you have. Believe that God will not give you obstacles which can’t you face. Be strong and be brave! Don’t give up. I have no problems now? No, I have problems. But, I keep trying, to draw smiles on my parents’s face.

Buat mahasiswa baru yang baru aja lulus sma, do what you want, mau coret-coretan kek, mau apa kek, lakuin itu semua. Hang out as many as you can! Pokoknya pake your free time, apalagi yang mau merantau. Mau orang bilang apa kek, ngejekin lu coret-coretan apalah, do it! Karena, your next life will be harder, but the memories of happiness will be still in your heart. Then, you will know how precious your friends, cause it will be harder and harder to meet them and maintain the friendship. Sweet smile from me!


My very first post on 2015, yeah! It’s been a while since I created this blog. My aim was to share what I love, that is about Korea because I do love it. My viewers increased day by day but since I rarely post about something interesting, I think my viewers are decreasing lol, but I hope it will increase again :). My aim for creating this blog was not to have a lot of viewers, yet I just want to write what I feel, both exciting and sad things.

This posting will be a lil bit cheesy since I will express about what I feel about friendship. Huh, I guess I wrote a lot about friendship, why? Because for me it is a kinf of relationship that can’t be expected. It can be randomly changed and moved. I never really believe my friends, but since years ago, I think, I started to believe my friends.






Some people are not included on those photos, I consider them as my friends. And I think, I don’t really care whether they consider me as close friend or best friend. I know they care to me and it is enough. I know they don’t leave me when I am suffering. I love you all and I trust you.

I miss you guys, really miss you. I wish I could turn back the time, when we were in high school and could share our laugh. Even I know probably most of you don’t want to go back haha. I miss our quality time, when we can plan and go together easily without have to find the exact time, mostly one of us can’t join, because the different schedule. We are growing up and people say we couldn’t share jokes which are not important or do fool and weird things. But, since we are friends, I think we can. Thanks for fulfilling my days these years. Meet and know you all is one of things in this world that I should be really grateful for, until now.

We go to different paths now, half of us start to find another life, which is more exciting. Find new friends and new life. Unconsicously leaving the others, start to change the priority among the friendship. No problem, I will try to accept it, because of my belief that people change, maybe I change too eventhough I don’t realize it. But I wish that although now you guys are not the same as the past, you guys can still remember firendship that we had, we have, and hopefully we will have until forever.

Princess Gankzz! >_<

Lol…we are princess gankz!! Having a wordpress app on my phone makes posting activity be so simple and fast*dance*. Let me introduce my gank!


(From left to right) pipit-me-ww-megy
We are four cute girls, right(?). We met in junior high school and were not so close before. But after we attended senior high school, for some unknown reasons we became best friends.
#1 Pipit
She is the most reticent in our gank. But don’t think she is really quite because once she jokes OMG it’so funny yet weird haha. She has difficulty in interaction with older person. Pipit always says “aaeemmm” lol. The most patient too. A good listener but don’t ever hope for solution from her. She is too bad in giving solution. Someone who can boost our mood up when we are sad. She is smart in doing physics and everything related to “technique”. Sadly,she hasn’t been accepted to any universities yet. But I always pray for you! You’ll get into soon :). You may feel sad but we are always here for you. Show your best smile,pal! Show your lighest light,because your first name “nur” means light. Love yaa♡.
#2 Me
No description added haha. I just want to say sorry friends,sorry for saying to much sorry. Lol. I keep doing that because I feel I am a bad friend for you guys.
#3 Ww
Of course her name isn’t just built by two words. But I’ll not reveal her real name kk. Ww is someone who is so reliable. A friend, a mother wkkk, yet a teacher. The oldest here. Sometimes we have no idea about what you say and what you do hehe sorraaih but it’s you. A life teacher who always teaches us about this life problem. The right person to go when you feel worry and sad. My roommate-soon-to-be and my 8 years until forever pal to be (of course with everyone too).
#4 Megy
The most most most talkative one!!! Getting so crazeeh when being her chairmate. A very fun girl,so friendly,love to talk about others:p, and stalking expert. Get angry easily when she’s hungry,sleep easily too when she’s too sleepy and full. One she can’t move on from someone she’s been liking for these 5 years trolol. She keep saying have moved on but actually will never hahaha. Someone who shares almost the same memories with me. My twin in class. Everyday just filled by doing activity with her. From studying,going to canteen,joking,going home,and ALL for two years++. A girl who does not cry easily, but can be so mellow in a moment. Do you remember when our school had a praying event before national exam? You cried so loud! *holdbackmytears*. Megzzz I wish you can move on ASAP,don’t get angry easily too yaa, and even we’ll go to differrent university, I will definitely go to your home often like before hahaha,can I? We are in the same age,you are also my partner in crime. We are always mean to pipit and ww hahaha. Love youuu so much much much much!!! Wish me luck okaaay. Don’t ever frighten me again.