BERLARI

Berlari.

Do you see my smile? Gratefully, you can see. Sorry, if my smile can not bring happiness to you. But, for me, I am happy to give you guys my smile. At least, I can lie to be happy.

Unfortunately, sometimes, I do not feel that. The emptiness is there again. The same thing happens again as a year ago. When I looked for an answer. And the answer was you. At least, even our relationship was so dynamical, but I did not feel empty. I knew that I had you. And now, the feeling to run away from reality is there again. I hate to admit that, but, yeah, I want to go here and there, trying to forget you, trying to feel the pain, so, I will know that it’s wrong. But, it’s a waste. I only feel relax for a while. You still come to my mind and my dream.

It is much better these days, not as heavy as before. Oh no, I don’t know whether actually it’s a next harder step. Back then, I always wanted to see you and so on, and it’s still like that. Seeing you is more relaxing now, the pressure is not that hard, but I know that maybe for both of us, acting like usual is hard. We are still awkward.

I am not in the stage where I want to explain, I already forgive and forget the bad things, maybe because ‘the person’ is not here in real form for a while. But, surprisingly, after I forgive, I still want to go back. Yeah, it is not the unlogical thing again as I think more. I do not have to count and consider it based on your skill or qualification. The whole answer is only I need you. I don’t know why, but, you already fill a space in my heart where can’t be filled by others, included my friends. You, always give me the medicine in unusual form. You, won’t say like, ‘things will be okay, baby’ and so on, but, you always cheered me up by saying things like, ‘yeah eventhough it’s hard, I know you can.’ You brought me to reality and you made me stronger.

As I write this, I finally know how important you are. The hidden feeling, now I can express it sincerely. And the tears, is coming back again. It is too late, since two months ago, almost three months. But, yeah, it is a next stage I have to pass. I am grateful that I can realize it now.

Hi, you, my favorite person. Sorry fot not moving on as fast as you, I guess. Sorry, I have stalked you and maybe made a lot of mess. I will stop as I am trying harder. I always pray to God to make it easier and easier as the time goes.

Two months and 11 days after we broke up.

19-10-17.

 

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Terjebak dalam Memori

Memori.
Ingatan.
Waktu.
Masa.
Peristiwa.

Akankah dapat terulang?
Akankah dapat kembali?
Membawa kita pada kenangan.
Membawa kita pada angan-angan.
Membawa kita pada harapan.

Kenangan.
Hanya kenangan.
Kenangan.
Hanya kenangan.
Kenangan.

Jika terlukis tawa dan canda.
Jika terlukis tangis dan amarah.
Jika terlukis kegembiraan.
Jika terlukis kesedihan.
Jika terlukis gambaran abstrak.

Aku tak bisa.
Tak bisa menggambarkannya.
Aku tak bisa.
Tak bisa menceritakannya.
Aku tak bisa.

Kenangan.
Memori.
Tersimpan dalam hati.
Tersimpan dalam kalbu.
Tersimpan dalam jiwa.

Life is All About Dilemma and Struggle

Why I choose that title? Because after I study about international relations, I realize that it is just not state which struggles for power. But we as human also struggle to survive. The struggle means we should choose one of some choices, often make a dilemma. Dilemma because we should choose the best but we dunno what is the best. What is our priority in life? Can you exactly answer that?

A Letter for You,My Friends

Dear all of my lovely friends whom I love so much.

Hi all, I am so sad these days, it is like I can feel what you feel now. I know it is hard, I imagine what should I do if I am in your place. Perhaps, I can’t bear those burdens well.
What I always believe is God will take us to a better and more beautiful way. God knows what’s best for us than our own self. This thing is easy to say, but hard to do. Yeah. Your mental is absolutely down.
But I apologize, I just can cheer you up and support you by words and less meaning action, like go to your home. I can’t do further than that.
I know the burden on your shoulders, to make your parents be proud of you and promise them a bright future, for you and for them. In their opinion, entering a state university is better, yeah they are more trusted, and the job seeker will trust your skill easily. But who knows that the path which you are on now is the God’s beautiful plan for you.
Keep fighting and praying. Keep your spirit and don’t give up. You may feel sad, but don’t ever think that this is your ending. Your way is still so long, so do I. Give your best to life, because it just happens once.
X)

Chit-Chat

Well, how are you my lovely readers xD. I wish you always be happy :). Yeah, I’m enjoying my free days for a while, it’s quite amazing I can get it. As you all know, I’m now in third grade of senior high school, and in a month I will have my national exam. It’s on 14 April-16 April 2014. I’ve just done my second try out, and the third try out will be on next week. I was quite upset when my first try out result out, it was far than my goal. So, I’m studying harder, and yeah keep praying fiuh. I have to get the best national exam result. Amin.

Also in this year, I will enter university. When I was child, I wanted to become a pediatrician. Because in my country, there are so many children who can’t get good medical treatment. And I’m grateful that my parents always give me the best in everything. But now, I don’t know why I want to be an ambassador, yeah travel around the world! :). So, I choose International Relation major. The alternative is being a dentist. I hope I can be accepted :).

That’s a news from me, thanks for reading! ^^

Stay Happy, Everyone~