Do you see my smile? Gratefully, you can see. Sorry, if my smile can not bring happiness to you. But, for me, I am happy to give you guys my smile. At least, I can lie to be happy.
Unfortunately, sometimes, I do not feel that. The emptiness is there again. The same thing happens again as a year ago. When I looked for an answer. And the answer was you. At least, even our relationship was so dynamical, but I did not feel empty. I knew that I had you. And now, the feeling to run away from reality is there again. I hate to admit that, but, yeah, I want to go here and there, trying to forget you, trying to feel the pain, so, I will know that it’s wrong. But, it’s a waste. I only feel relax for a while. You still come to my mind and my dream.
It is much better these days, not as heavy as before. Oh no, I don’t know whether actually it’s a next harder step. Back then, I always wanted to see you and so on, and it’s still like that. Seeing you is more relaxing now, the pressure is not that hard, but I know that maybe for both of us, acting like usual is hard. We are still awkward.
I am not in the stage where I want to explain, I already forgive and forget the bad things, maybe because ‘the person’ is not here in real form for a while. But, surprisingly, after I forgive, I still want to go back. Yeah, it is not the unlogical thing again as I think more. I do not have to count and consider it based on your skill or qualification. The whole answer is only I need you. I don’t know why, but, you already fill a space in my heart where can’t be filled by others, included my friends. You, always give me the medicine in unusual form. You, won’t say like, ‘things will be okay, baby’ and so on, but, you always cheered me up by saying things like, ‘yeah eventhough it’s hard, I know you can.’ You brought me to reality and you made me stronger.
As I write this, I finally know how important you are. The hidden feeling, now I can express it sincerely. And the tears, is coming back again. It is too late, since two months ago, almost three months. But, yeah, it is a next stage I have to pass. I am grateful that I can realize it now.
Hi, you, my favorite person. Sorry fot not moving on as fast as you, I guess. Sorry, I have stalked you and maybe made a lot of mess. I will stop as I am trying harder. I always pray to God to make it easier and easier as the time goes.
Two months and 11 days after we broke up.