Insecure.

Honestly, that title represents the content of this post. Why? I want to share, that I often feel insecure. I know that most people feel the same too. But, it is so hard for me to ignore that thought because I make a big gap between me and the others, so they can’t get closer to me. Why? I have my own reason. Because I am the type of person who always make shield before something hurts me, even in the end, it doesn’t hurt me. Let me put it in easy picture, I am difficult to trust people because I don’t want once I trust them, they will betray me, so I choose not to trust them, get it? I choose not to have any close relationship rather than being hurt in the end, eventhough I do not know, I will get hurt or not. I am scared that I will get hurt. I choose to pass straight way than “mountainous” way because I have no confidence to pass it, there are so many things which make me worry.

I hope I can read people’s mind, so I know what exactly they think about me. But unfortunately, I can’t, or may be I should get into faculty of psychology? LOL. I think that is why, people are the most mysterious matter in this world. You can change people by affecting their feeling, whether from good to be bad or vice versa. People are not consistent, they live based on their interest and their feeling. Once their interests lead them, they will ignore their feeling.

Apa yang Telah Aku Dapatkan?

Annyeonghaseyo^^ It’s been a long time! Actually, I tried to post something new a while ago, but I ended up save it as a draft :(. It was too difficult to type something, may be because I am too much typing for my assignments lol. So, let me use english and bahasa in this post, because I will tell you all about my-a-year-experience-of-being-a-college-student, and I hope the readers will be those who will become a college student soon.

I am confused, dari mana aku harus memulai? Okay *take deep breath* lol. Setahun yang lalu, I was still in third grade of senior high school. Mungkin beberapa readers sudah tahu, atau tidak ada yang tahu, I wanted to be a doctor so much, it was my dream since I was child, even in kindergarten. Mungkin karena kata-kata dokter lah yang paling sering saya dengar waktu kecil, so it’s like planted inside my heart. But, karena negara api menyerang, and I considered some factors, I didn’t know why I wanted to go out from “those” things. I was bored. So, I decided to choose international relations, far from “medical” things right? Jadi, kenapa saya memutuskan untuk berpindah jalur? Mengapa masuk jurusan IPA kalo ujungnya masuk jurusan IPS? Well, I didn’t know, considered it as a fate. Saya memilih international relations as my first choice, dan kedokteran gigi as my second choice. And gratefully, I was accepted in international relations 🙂 But…honestly, I was not that happy. I felt empty. And suddenly, thought, why should I chose this?!

Second thing, I felt wrong was I got accepted in university out of my current city, I should move in another city. At first, I was like, mom I could do this, I want to go far from here, I want to be “mandiri”. But, readers, things didn’t go like what you imagined before! Living alone was so hard. Like you had no one in your life. I cried, day and night, like a zombie without a soul, my room got messed and I didn’t know how to fix it. No, no, I knew, but I was too lazy. I said to my dad and mom, I want to go home! I am not strong enough to be here. Nothing goes well here, I can’t adapt with my major, my life, and my friends. Yeah, everything was new for me! Like they were aliens that went down from space. I could not make a normal communications with them.

But…gratefully, it was my past. Gradually, I can ignore it and be better time to time. I am not sure whether I have fixed my life, or I have passed everything? I think no, but I just feel like I am in normal life now. What is the key? ADAPTATION and also be grateful with everything you have. Believe that God will not give you obstacles which can’t you face. Be strong and be brave! Don’t give up. I have no problems now? No, I have problems. But, I keep trying, to draw smiles on my parents’s face.

Buat mahasiswa baru yang baru aja lulus sma, do what you want, mau coret-coretan kek, mau apa kek, lakuin itu semua. Hang out as many as you can! Pokoknya pake your free time, apalagi yang mau merantau. Mau orang bilang apa kek, ngejekin lu coret-coretan apalah, do it! Karena, your next life will be harder, but the memories of happiness will be still in your heart. Then, you will know how precious your friends, cause it will be harder and harder to meet them and maintain the friendship. Sweet smile from me!

Friends.

My very first post on 2015, yeah! It’s been a while since I created this blog. My aim was to share what I love, that is about Korea because I do love it. My viewers increased day by day but since I rarely post about something interesting, I think my viewers are decreasing lol, but I hope it will increase again :). My aim for creating this blog was not to have a lot of viewers, yet I just want to write what I feel, both exciting and sad things.

This posting will be a lil bit cheesy since I will express about what I feel about friendship. Huh, I guess I wrote a lot about friendship, why? Because for me it is a kinf of relationship that can’t be expected. It can be randomly changed and moved. I never really believe my friends, but since years ago, I think, I started to believe my friends.

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Some people are not included on those photos, I consider them as my friends. And I think, I don’t really care whether they consider me as close friend or best friend. I know they care to me and it is enough. I know they don’t leave me when I am suffering. I love you all and I trust you.

I miss you guys, really miss you. I wish I could turn back the time, when we were in high school and could share our laugh. Even I know probably most of you don’t want to go back haha. I miss our quality time, when we can plan and go together easily without have to find the exact time, mostly one of us can’t join, because the different schedule. We are growing up and people say we couldn’t share jokes which are not important or do fool and weird things. But, since we are friends, I think we can. Thanks for fulfilling my days these years. Meet and know you all is one of things in this world that I should be really grateful for, until now.

We go to different paths now, half of us start to find another life, which is more exciting. Find new friends and new life. Unconsicously leaving the others, start to change the priority among the friendship. No problem, I will try to accept it, because of my belief that people change, maybe I change too eventhough I don’t realize it. But I wish that although now you guys are not the same as the past, you guys can still remember firendship that we had, we have, and hopefully we will have until forever.

Terjebak dalam Memori

Memori.
Ingatan.
Waktu.
Masa.
Peristiwa.

Akankah dapat terulang?
Akankah dapat kembali?
Membawa kita pada kenangan.
Membawa kita pada angan-angan.
Membawa kita pada harapan.

Kenangan.
Hanya kenangan.
Kenangan.
Hanya kenangan.
Kenangan.

Jika terlukis tawa dan canda.
Jika terlukis tangis dan amarah.
Jika terlukis kegembiraan.
Jika terlukis kesedihan.
Jika terlukis gambaran abstrak.

Aku tak bisa.
Tak bisa menggambarkannya.
Aku tak bisa.
Tak bisa menceritakannya.
Aku tak bisa.

Kenangan.
Memori.
Tersimpan dalam hati.
Tersimpan dalam kalbu.
Tersimpan dalam jiwa.

Life is All About Dilemma and Struggle

Why I choose that title? Because after I study about international relations, I realize that it is just not state which struggles for power. But we as human also struggle to survive. The struggle means we should choose one of some choices, often make a dilemma. Dilemma because we should choose the best but we dunno what is the best. What is our priority in life? Can you exactly answer that?

A Letter for You,My Friends

Dear all of my lovely friends whom I love so much.

Hi all, I am so sad these days, it is like I can feel what you feel now. I know it is hard, I imagine what should I do if I am in your place. Perhaps, I can’t bear those burdens well.
What I always believe is God will take us to a better and more beautiful way. God knows what’s best for us than our own self. This thing is easy to say, but hard to do. Yeah. Your mental is absolutely down.
But I apologize, I just can cheer you up and support you by words and less meaning action, like go to your home. I can’t do further than that.
I know the burden on your shoulders, to make your parents be proud of you and promise them a bright future, for you and for them. In their opinion, entering a state university is better, yeah they are more trusted, and the job seeker will trust your skill easily. But who knows that the path which you are on now is the God’s beautiful plan for you.
Keep fighting and praying. Keep your spirit and don’t give up. You may feel sad, but don’t ever think that this is your ending. Your way is still so long, so do I. Give your best to life, because it just happens once.
X)